HOLIDAY ADVICE: JUST SAY NO

 

During the holiday season many of my clients who have young babies find themselves face-to-face with the, sometimes daunting, expectations of well meaning friends and relatives.  

The old “go with the flow” style of meeting other people’s needs and expectations is no longer workable when you are sleep deprived and stressed to the max with a new baby.  Nobody seems to get it and everyone expects you to do what you’ve always done, whether it’s hosting 40 people or traveling 400 miles.  Everyone wants to see you and the baby, making it hard to say NO even though your knees shake and your pressure goes up just thinking about it.

As women we are accustomed to making concessions in order to make others happy.  If I had a nickel for every woman who has sat in my office saying “I really don’t want to…but I have to” I’d be a rich woman.  Whenever we say YES when we’d rather say NO there is a price to pay.  Think ahead.  Consider the obstacles, the stress factor, the anger and resentment you might feel because you are doing something you don’t want to do. 

If ever there was a time to for-go pleasing others, take care of yourself and shrug your shoulders in response to those who just don’t get I, this is it.  So give yourself a gift this holiday season.  

       JUST SAY NO.

Coping With Uncertainty

 

Having a baby brings up a myriad of unknowns about baby and self and especially self in relation to baby.  How will I feel?  Will I know what to do?  Can I make my baby happy and contented?  Every new baby is a mystery.  Even if you’ve already had six children, number seven will have to be figured out anew.

While every baby is unique they basically have the same repertoire.  They get hungry, wet, poopy, gassy, excited, sleepy, bored, and sometimes just plain crabby for no apparent reason.  Each baby is a little bundle of sensory reactivity and every baby reacts to all of the above by crying. It’s what they do. 

There is probably nothing that causes new moms more self-doubt and anxiety than hearing and seeing their little one cry.  It cuts right to the core of our need for certainty and mastery.  But soothing a baby is a process of trial and error especially during those first few months. No matter how much you read or prepare for the new baby, there is no way around this learning curve. 

So don’t panic.  Don’t have unrealistic expectations of yourself and don’t be ashamed to ask for help.  Soothing a baby is sometimes hard and nerve-wracking work.  But one thing you can be certain of is that when it comes to babies, nothing stays the same.  They change and they change us.  Embrace the challenge and the mystery with acceptance and curiosity.