Advice for the New Year: Dance With Your Baby

Many of the new moms I see complain about the lack of opportunity to exercise.  They often only get to the gym once on the weekend when someone else is able to care for the baby.  Like them, you might feel cooped up, especially at this time of the year, worrying about not losing that "baby weight" more quickly.

As an older person when I talk to new moms about some of the ways I've discovered to exercise at home they often give me a look that says "fine for you, but that's not what I call exercise".

My answer to that is: NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE BENEFITS OF LIGHT EXERCISE!!!
So when you're feeling stuck in the house with a small baby, why not make "walking the floor" more beneficial for you and more stimulating for your baby by putting on some music and throwing in some dance steps and variations on walking?  Walk side to side, march, go backwards and forwards, throw in a cha-cha, a little salsa or whatever you enjoy.
 
What if your baby is crying?  Well, babies cry for all sorts of reasons; providing your baby is fed and dry, you will most likely be walking the floor in your effort to soothe your baby.  Why not add some movement and music?  Maybe baby will end up being rocked to sleep, or be distracted by the sound of the music, the rhythm of the movement, or the changing sights as you move around the room.  If your baby is very calm, he or she may be happy to just watch you; a dancing mom is definitely more interesting to watch than a mom who is doing paperwork, watching TV, or otherwise sitting still.

What if you also have a toddler at home?  What better way to spend time with your infant and your toddler than moving to music.  The idea is that your enthusiasm will be infectious, inviting your toddler to join in. The main thing is that you will be getting exercise: using muscles, stimulating the right hormones, burning calories, increasing your heart-rate, and it just might lift your spirits.

So instead of waiting around for others to grant you the opportunity to go to the gym or out for a run, add a little light aerobic workout to your daily routine.  It will be good for you and good for your children.  Be creative, think outside the box and have a little fun.

HAPPY NEW YEAR

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder in Postpartum Women

When we think of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder we usually associate it with combat, physical/sexual abuse, accidents and natural disasters. But PTSD is actually more prevalent than one would think, especially for postpartum women.

 

A traumatic event is one that causes intense fear and helplessness.  This fear and helplessness can be short lived or sustained over a long period of time.  Recent advances in brain research have led to the understanding that PTSD is a whole body reaction. 

Causes of PTSD in postpartum women, can result from stressful circumstances or complications before, during or after giving birth or the re-activation of an earlier trauma.  It’s important to understand that it’s the feeling of danger and helplessness that cause PTSD.  The body doesn’t know if the fear is reality based or not.   This is important because even if you believe, for whatever reason, that you and/or your baby are in danger and in the end everything is fine, your body has still registered the fear and helplessness of that belief, however fleeting it might have been. Your mind may know that the danger has passed but your body needs some time to calm down.

So if you find yourself as a postpartum mom having intensely uncomfortable emotional reactions that seem inappropriate to the situation, you may be suffering from PTSD.  Efforts to avoid the discomfort without understanding can prolong symptoms and cause further emotional complications such as detachment and inability to bond with your baby.  Short-term psychotherapy can help you identify and understand what you’re feeling, give you a safe place to talk about the pregnancy, birth and current feelings, as well as educate you and your family about PTSD.  

HOLIDAY ADVICE: JUST SAY NO

 

During the holiday season many of my clients who have young babies find themselves face-to-face with the, sometimes daunting, expectations of well meaning friends and relatives.  

The old “go with the flow” style of meeting other people’s needs and expectations is no longer workable when you are sleep deprived and stressed to the max with a new baby.  Nobody seems to get it and everyone expects you to do what you’ve always done, whether it’s hosting 40 people or traveling 400 miles.  Everyone wants to see you and the baby, making it hard to say NO even though your knees shake and your pressure goes up just thinking about it.

As women we are accustomed to making concessions in order to make others happy.  If I had a nickel for every woman who has sat in my office saying “I really don’t want to…but I have to” I’d be a rich woman.  Whenever we say YES when we’d rather say NO there is a price to pay.  Think ahead.  Consider the obstacles, the stress factor, the anger and resentment you might feel because you are doing something you don’t want to do. 

If ever there was a time to for-go pleasing others, take care of yourself and shrug your shoulders in response to those who just don’t get I, this is it.  So give yourself a gift this holiday season.  

       JUST SAY NO.

Coping With Uncertainty

 

Having a baby brings up a myriad of unknowns about baby and self and especially self in relation to baby.  How will I feel?  Will I know what to do?  Can I make my baby happy and contented?  Every new baby is a mystery.  Even if you’ve already had six children, number seven will have to be figured out anew.

While every baby is unique they basically have the same repertoire.  They get hungry, wet, poopy, gassy, excited, sleepy, bored, and sometimes just plain crabby for no apparent reason.  Each baby is a little bundle of sensory reactivity and every baby reacts to all of the above by crying. It’s what they do. 

There is probably nothing that causes new moms more self-doubt and anxiety than hearing and seeing their little one cry.  It cuts right to the core of our need for certainty and mastery.  But soothing a baby is a process of trial and error especially during those first few months. No matter how much you read or prepare for the new baby, there is no way around this learning curve. 

So don’t panic.  Don’t have unrealistic expectations of yourself and don’t be ashamed to ask for help.  Soothing a baby is sometimes hard and nerve-wracking work.  But one thing you can be certain of is that when it comes to babies, nothing stays the same.  They change and they change us.  Embrace the challenge and the mystery with acceptance and curiosity.

Happy Holidays: Reflections, December 2011

For several years I have specialized in helping women cope with the various problems that may arise in connection with pregnancy, birth, or the lack of either.

I’ve learned a lot about the latest medical wisdom regarding baby care (I last gave birth in 1983). Instead of colic, babies now have GERD; instead of putting them to sleep on their tummies, they are safest on their backs; swaddling is recommended and loose blankets over sleeping babies are ill advised.

The new technologies of IVF and IUF are amazing, as are the brave women who choose to go down that road in order to have a child. I’ve learned about the NICU at Stony Brook Hospital and the miraculous medical advances that save the lives of the tiniest infants.

I’ve seen the many faces of grief, and the triumph of resilience. All in all, I feel privileged to have the opportunity to share this exciting time of life with such a broad range of people.

Wishing you all a happy healthy holiday season and the very best in 2012

Treatment of Depression during pregnancy-Dont wait!

 In my practice, I find that there are so many issues on the the minds of pregnant women and sometimes anxieties that they don't know the cause of but keep them tossing and turning at night.  What makes it even more baffling and upsetting is that this is true even though  the pregnancy may be welcome and thrilling.   Some women fear that talking about an issue will make it more real and therefor worse,  while others may feel ashamed of the thoughts and feelings they are having.  For these reasons and more the tendency is to wait and hope that things will spontaneously get better.  The obvious consequence of this is that things get worse and mild to moderate anxiety or depression becomes severe.

This past Fall (2009), the American Psychiatric Association and The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists joined forces to review the existing data regarding treatment of depression in pregnant women and make recommendations. Because there can be consequences to taking medication and also to untreated depression, the report emphasized the need for decisions to be made on a case-by-case basis.  It's no wonder doctors and their patients may feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. However, one finding was clear, that talk therapy should be the first-line treatment for mild to moderate depression in pregnant women.

So don't let mild symptoms reach crisis proportions.  Talking with a competent mental health professional can shed new light on dark issues, which is why I urge women and the doctors who treat them to choose action over non-action.  It's always a better choice.

The Joys of Being a Hands on Dad

What I call a “hands on dad” is one who changes diapers, bathes, comforts and generally tends to the needs of their baby at least some of the time. Traditionally moms do these tasks more often then dads and in many cases she’s home while dad is out working. But most dad’s are home some of the time and whenever they are they owe it to their wives, their babies and most especially to themselves to participate in this care taking.

Infants are basically a bundle of need; they need to be fed, bathed, dressed, soothed, etc. It’s through these tasks that we bond with them. So while it may seem only natural for mom to be tending to these needs, even when dad is at hand and in fact your baby may protest the change, there are at least three reasons to persist.

One reason is simply that by not doing these things you are missing out on the beautiful experience of creating a strong bond with your child. Secondly, by sharing this part of parenting you maintain and strengthen the bond with your wife. The third reason is that at some point mom may be unavailable. Unforeseen events can and do occur.

So my strong advice to men is to roll up your sleeves, put aside old -fashioned notions and be a part of this very magical, if fleeting, phase of parenting.